Jon (j_b) wrote,

  • Mood:

Awake again...

"Don't wanna think too much,
it makes me think too much,
it keeps my mind on my mind."
         --Henry Rollins
Well, after lying in bed for 30+ minutes listening to classical on 90.1, unable to fall asleep, I think I'm going to turn to alcohol to get the job done. The last caffeine I had was 2 cups of coffee yesterday (Tuesday) morning, yet my sleep schedule's all whacked to hell.

You know, I'd like to think that I can function without needing external influences, stimulants, depressants, etc. But to some extent, I can't. Maybe I can get there, but right now, I can't.

On another note, I think that biologically, my life has left my brain chemistry a little off. I think that part of various behavior patterns people develop as coping mechanisms actually happen by altering brain chemistry ... perhaps not to the point that it never can be made up for, but certainly to the point where one can't just "cold turkey" their way to being "normal".

Wow, that sounds like a hypochondriac whiner's excuse for behavior.

Anyway. There's too much noise in my head. I can't lay there and clear my mind of noise ... I try, then when I try to let my mind drift, so that I might be carried on to sleep, I start thinking again, and it keeps me awake. All I crave is an empty, relaxed, drifting mind that can go to sleep. And the fact that I can't get that cascades into fucking up other aspects of my life, and that pisses me off.

mackys suggested that resuming exercise might tire me out to the point where I could get to sleep easier, and I think that's a good idea. I've only been putting it off for a few months now.

Anyway. Off to booze.
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